That would be my own womb. You see, today marks six months since I underwent a complete hysterectomy and bid farewell to my uterus and ovaries. It has been an interesting journey so far and I felt the need to share it with anyone who cares to read.
I’m going to start by saying that life has never been better. Do I still have bad days? I most certainly do! I get bad news from a friend and that wrecks my whole week, I still can and will get my heart broken, and I did have my Uber break down on the highway leaving me stranded with luggage in the middle of the night. But when I compare that to all the good that’s going on in my life, I can say with complete honesty, life has never been better.
I wake up every morning feeling stronger than I did the day before. I have a new sense of purpose every day and a new dose of motivation driving me. I wake up energetic and ready to face almost any challenge that comes my way. I say almost, because I’m just trying to keep it real.
I also wake up each day feeling happy, and I carry that intoxicating feeling with me all through the day. I am no longer in pain, I no longer feel like crap all the time and the brain fog has lifted. I spent years thinking that something was wrong with me mentally. I couldn’t figure out why, but I just didn’t want to do anything.
Nothing excited me, I had no drive and no energy to get through my day and I thought that I was being lazy and selfish. What I didn’t know was that the problem was physical and physiological. Because of endometriosis I was experiencing heavy bleeding both externally and internally and it was draining me. I could have been severely anaemic for years without knowing it.
Something was clearly wrong, but it was within my body and not my mind. I was well and truly sick. And I was raising two young children, no wonder I was tired all the time and my brain was a mess. I feel so much more compassion for myself now, knowing what I was actually going through.
Of course, it took the diagnosis of a thrombosis in my portal vein for me to start piecing things together. It was that harrowing experience from last year, that brought to light the state of my abysmally low haemoglobin levels and prompted further action by my doctors. Yep, I now had a team of doctors, I felt so important (not). Tough decisions were made and my baby making apparatus (as I lovingly call my parts), had to go.
Which brought me to that faithful day six months ago. I remember lying there in the recovery room waiting to be wheeled in for surgery, and it was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. I suppose major surgery can put the fear of death into anyone, but when you’re a mother with young kids, it is them that you are afraid for and that makes it so much worse.
To stop myself from going completely insane with fear I started to talk to my body. I told her (yes, she is female), that she had to get through this, she had to be strong and she had to heal. I said, girl, there’s no room for complications here, you just have to hold it together and wake up when this is over.
I also prayed. I prayed to the Father, to Jesus, and to the Holy Spirit. I also prayed to the Archangel Raphael, the angel of healing, and while I didn’t see any flashes of green light, it was very therapeutic. Just before I went under anaesthesia, I finally surrendered to a sense of peace. The heavens be praised, I did in fact wake up at the other end.
Six months down the line, and I have found a brand-new appreciation for life and for myself. My body took a good three months to heal, but she did it! I saw my haematologist a couple of months ago and he fist-bumped me, so yes, things are looking good there too. My haemoglobin levels are normal for the first time in who knows when, and while I still have to take my blood thinner daily, I can lead a completely normal life.
I told the doc that I’m putting on weight and he said that I could start working out. My big fat PVT is going to stick with me for life, but as long as I take my meds like a good girl, I won’t have any complications.
On a personal and emotional level, I have healed too. These days, most of the time I feel deep gratitude. I know I have the most wonderful friends, but the support network they provided when I really needed them, completely blew my mind! I also found the wounds of bad relationships healing and I am able to give thanks for what was good and learn from what wasn’t.
Not getting my monthly period is just totally awesome, but I now deal with daily hot flashes. Hooray! My children find innovative new ways to drive me up the wall every day. But I still can’t help the feeling of mild regret that creeps up when I realise that my childbearing days are gone for good. I’ve started working out again; lots of walking, a little running, and of course, I dance all the time.
I work a job that requires me to do copious amounts of reading about anything and everything, and churn out at least 3,000 written words each day. OMG, I love it! I’m meeting new people, making new friends, and tolerating a whole lot less bullshit. Like I said, life has never been better, it’s far from perfect but I’m loving every glorious and not so glorious moment of every day. It is good to be alive!