The Mystery of the Chair

Coimbatore Railway Station circa late 1990s:

One of the stalls in the ladies’ restroom has been locked from the inside for a very long time; months, maybe even a year. Finally, someone raises the alarm and the door is broken down. A puzzling sight greets those present – there behind the locked door of the toilet is a chair. As bizarre as it might seem, the chair appears to have needed to use the facilities, went in, locked the door, placed itself over the Indian style toilet, and then just stayed there.

The fate of the chair after it was discovered is unknown to me. Was it burnt for fear of it being possessed by a spirit? Was it broken to pieces and thrown away? Was that stall never used again because it was believed to be haunted? Or did an investigation ensue to piece together the mystery of how that chair came to lock itself in a toilet stall? Some 20 years later a woman in Bombay thinks about that chair and smiles. She smiles because she knows exactly what happened. And now she – I am going to tell you.

It was 1997 and I was the Nature Club Secretary of Sophia College. For the Diwali break I had organised a camp to the Mudumalai National Park and Annamalai Elephant Reserve. We were about 35 students, three professors, and three camp instructors. We got to our first destination, had an amazing time, had a bunch of adventures, met a snake, got bitten by leeches, and ate lots of dosas. Then we got to the elephant reserve and has an absolute blast with the elephants, especially the babies. They really are the most affectionate creatures when they don’t feel threatened.

The last day of camp came all too soon and with heavy hearts we bid farewell to the hills and the forests and of course the elephants. We boarded our bus and headed to Coimbatore station. We stopped for lunch at Ooty, took in the beautiful sights of the tea city, and then continued on our way. A couple of hours later we were finally at the station only to find out that our train back home had been delayed by several hours.

After a quick discussion with my professors we made a plan. The girls were split into groups and were instructed on what they could and couldn’t do. First up they all had to find STD (standard trunk dialling) booths (no, we didn’t have cell phones) and call and inform their parents of the delay. Next, they were to all find restaurants to have dinner, and then finally we were to meet at the ladies’ waiting room to freshen up and rest/play games till our train came.

Everything went well and a few hours later we were all at the ladies’ waiting room. I took a quick head count and then asked everyone to stay put so that no one would miss the train when it eventually did show. Girls sat around in groups playing cards, singing songs, telling jokes, reading, and so on. Yours truly was completely exhausted so I spread out some newspaper on the floor, placed my sleeping bag on it and settled down for a nap.

I had just started to doze off when I heard a commotion, and someone came to get me. I got up and followed her to the restroom. One of our girls had gone to use the toilet but when she tried to get out the latch jammed and she had got stuck inside. As you can well imagine we all put our strength together and tried to force the door open, but with no luck. Thankfully, as is often the case in restroom stalls, the walls of the stall didn’t go all the way to the ceiling. Another one of our girls went into the adjacent stall with a chair, climbed onto it and looked over at our trapped friend.

She tried to reach down and help her climb over the partition wall, but with the Indian style toilet there was nothing to give her a boost. You’re probably guessing what happened next, but I’ll keep going. A couple of us brought another chair, handed it to the girl standing on the chair in the adjacent stall, she passed it over the wall to the trapped girl. Trapped girl placed the chair over the toilet, climbed onto it, managed to get over the dividing wall and was free. Yay!

There was much celebration over the team effort and having set our pal free. I was super tired by then and finally settled down for my nap. Our train did arrive at last, we all boarded, I did yet another head count, which I had now become famous for and even teased about, and we were on our way home. It was not till I was comfortably seated and making a diary record of the camp events that it struck me that we had left the chair in the locked stall.

It’s been over twenty years and I still wonder what happened to that chair.

Sadness

About a month ago something happened that made me sad. The details of the incident are not important, suffice to say that it left a void in my life that would not be filled in hurry. The first couple of weeks were tough. My closest friends knew what I was going through but to the rest of the world I was perfectly normal. I got out of bed each day, saw to my kids, logged in to work, and everything looked fine. But the whole time my sadness hung over me like a dark cloud.

Why am I bringing it up now? Because I believe there are lessons to be learnt in every experience and I did learn a few. A couple of years ago I discovered Stoicism and I found the philosophy behind it very interesting. Without dwelling too much on the principles I’ll simply quote one of the greats; Marcus Aurelius himself, “A blazing fire makes flame and brightness out of everything that is thrown into it.” This mindset is based on the exercise called Amor Fati, or to make the best of everything that happens no matter what.

So, as I lay in bed wondering, “why me?” these little thoughts started to creep up telling me to find the silver lining. Of course, the first thought that came to mind was that this was great fodder for a blog post 😉 But beyond that I started to notice something else. I was sad, but I was not unhappy. I was still able to find the small joys in life, to genuinely smile at my children, and to laugh with my friends. Yes, I was sad, I still am, but I didn’t fall apart. I continue to live and live fully. I still have fun, I’m meeting new people, making new friends, and having new experiences.

I learnt that I could be sad about one thing and still be happy about everything that was good in my life. I would like to think that this took courage and strength on my path, but in truth, I believe that everyone has it within themselves to feel a whole range of emotions all at once. Some emotions, especially negative ones can be all-consuming at times, but it is in our basic nature to survive and overcome. You can lose someone and miss them, but still be happy in the presence of other people whom you love, you could lose your job and feel insecure, but still feel good about a friend’s promotion. I believe that we have all be given the ability to not be completely overwhelmed by one emotion, at least not for a prolonged period.

Another lesson I learned is that sadness is not a bad thing. We feel sad when we no longer have something that made us happy, something that we were used to, something that made us feel safe. Loss is never easy but as the old adage goes – ‘It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.’ And it is the little bumps in the road (or even the big ones), that make us appreciate the good bit even more. How mundane and boring it would be to only feel happy all the time. It would just become the new normal and lose its appeal rather quickly.

Our highs can only be highs if we reach them from somewhere lower. And perhaps, and I say this without judgement; we sometimes need a little slap in the face when we get too ahead of ourselves. Bumps make us slow down and reexamine things, we try to find what went wrong and work on making improvements. We also take a closer look at the path we’re on and might even realise that we’re a bit lost. Things not going as we expected could very well help us to find our way all over again.

Negative emotions are uncomfortable, but we are stronger than we think we are. It’s safe to feel what we’re feeling and to acknowledge what we are going through. We won’t fall apart, or at least we shouldn’t. If you are sad, or insecure, or angry, you can do what I do – write a blog post. Okay no, I’m just kidding. You can if you want to, but what really works is making a gratitude list. Just be thankful for all the good things; the good people, the good memories, and even all the good that is going to come into your life. Everyday you will feel a little better and soon you won’t feel so bad.